Leave it out!

George Lucas has announced plans for a new Star Wars spin-off movie. "Darthur Daley", will follow the dark lord of the sith, as he sets up as a used land speeder sales-man. New characters, such as Terry McKenobi and Dave the cantina barman, will be joined by old favourites, like Darth Sidious, who despite not appearing, will be mentioned several times as, "sith indoors".Long time fans of the original movies may be shocked by the change of location, from a galaxy far, far away, to the east end of London. Lucas has gone on record as saying this will be the first in a new trilogy, the other two films being, "Only Fools And Banthas" and "Eastenders".

Let The Games Begin!

Penguins running about!
Walrus's putting the shot!
An arctic fox with a javelin through it's head!
More penguins running about!
For the love of Britney, how much better can it get?
(Certificate PG, contains mild waddling.)

Just desserts?

Dirk Snidewinder's classic 1958 pulp novel, "Punish Me With Custard", is finally getting the old Hollywood treatment. Described by first time director Rodrigo Norkus as, "a steamy tale of love, lust, betrayal and milk based desserts", and by producer Yehudi Felch as, "a delightful two bedroom cottage with exquisite views of the Gobi desert", it goes into production early next year. No big names have been confirmed yet, but an insider tells me that when any names are revealed, they will be "very big indeed, some as big as a house." Personally, I was hoping they'd film Snidewinder's second novel, "Rice Pudding For Lola", it's got a much higher body count. Not that I condone excessive cinema violence, I mean, you don't want people kicking off when your trying to watch a film now, do you, could ruin your whole evening. And think of the poor buggers who have to clean all that mess up, although, at our local multiplex, they use trained chimpanzes as cleaners. Dunno why, it's not as if they're any good at it, I'd use robo-cleaners meself. If they'd been invented.

Evening All.

Jude Law is to take the title role, in the new "brit flick", Fuzz Aldrin. Law plays Edwin "Fuzz" Aldrin, a copper in 1960's London, who is offered and accepts a transfer to the moon. The film's plot revolves around PC Aldrin's attempts to combat lunar crime, while a completely random swinging sixties soundtrack drones away in the background. In reduced gravity.

Holy colostomy bag!

Another first for Cinemageddon, as we get our grubby mits on an exclusive pic from the new "Batman Retires" movie! The film, which stars Sean Connery as an octogenarian caped crusader, concerns Batmans attempts to get to the post office to get his pension. Clint Eastwood co-stars as the incontinent villain, The Piddler.
The movie, the first to be directed by a horse, will be released to coincide with the first International Fondle A Badger Day. Whenever that is. Like I'd know anything about molesting woodland creatures.

Rambo a go go!

Sylvester Stallone is making a comeback as Rambo, in "Rambo Peep". This time around, he has to rescue some sheep from Vietnham. What are sheep doing in Vietnham? Doing their bit to end the red commie threat of course. The film is due out next year, and with the tagline "Coming home with their tails wagging behind them, is not an option!", I for one can't wait! But I'll have to. Unless I build a time machine, that is.